You know it’s true I value you
but now I fear you’ve aged my dear
You’re fifty-four and can no more
Excite desire or light my fire
I’ve needs and must indulge my lust
I’ll spend tonight if it’s alright
Naked, in bed with a young redhead
Here’s hoping she’ll satisfy me
She fancies me apparently.
If plied with drink, I’m led to think
She’s eighteen, fit and up for ‘it’
Don’t be upset and don’t forget
I’ll be home late…
… so please don’t wait.
My Dear husband, (found on the kitchen table)
You’ll understand I too have planned
To go away today to stay
With young Matt Roach, my fitness coach
He’s eighteen too and six foot two
You are far more than fifty-four
And so before I shut the door
I felt I ought to leave this thought
Same boat we’re in but for one thing…
…simple maths shows that 18 goes
in fifty-four so many more
times than fifty-four (or a few more)
goes in eighteen. Know what I mean?!
Therefore we’ll speak…
…sometime next week.
Winner of Flash 500 Humour Verse Competition