He claimed to be the national bard
and leader of the avant garde.
He wore a wide poetic hat,
wrote obscure verse and kept a cat.
All rhyming verses made him sneer,
gave pain to his poetic rear.
He grimaced, his expression stoic,
when faced with couplets called heroic.
Only sonnets could be worse
for he despised all formal verse.
He boasts of knowing all the great;
claims Carol Ann to be a mate,
and when he’s high on half a shandy,
calls Sir Andrew Motion - Andy.
One day in search of something new,
he sought a subject at the zoo.
He mused and heard a lion’s roar,
he thought a potent metaphor.
‘Be careful, sir,’ the keeper said,
‘The lions have not yet been fed.’
But Cedric paid no heed at all
and wandered through the lions’ hall.
His mind full of his opening lines,
he just ignored all warning signs.
A beast called Laurie shook his mane
when Cedric poked him with his cane.
The lion tried a practice munch,
then swallowed Cedric for his lunch.
The Zoo Board took a PR line
and by the lions put a sign.
It states in fancy copperplate,
CEDRIC, THE POET LAURIE ATE
First prize for the third quarter of the humour verse competition 2014